this post is huge. sorry.

I'm giving up my grand dreams of only posting big epic thoughts. I'm in high school, darn it. I don't want this to turn into a petty emo-fest, but hey, I'm an adult really only because the law says so. And I think that's my problem--I've wished I was an adult for so long. I don't look back on childhood fondly. I've longed for independence and freedom and being surrounded by the 'mature.' Why? Because I hate immaturity...most of the time.

Ever since elementary school, I've hated the 'immature' kids. I thought I was so high and mighty because, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I was smarter than the vast majority of them. And then I came to Souderton and the problem only amplified itself. And then I found people that were smarter than me...and I finally started to enjoy school. But lately I've realized I've placed way too great a value on what is 'logical,' what is 'appropriate' for 'adults,' what fits the mold I've made for myself.

Dang. Why did no one stop me? I feel like I've missed out on a lot of happiness. Yes, the loudmouthed, cocky types still annoy me. But there's different sorts of immaturity, I think. Like most adjectives, there's a good and bad side to it. And being like a child has its perks, I think.

(Sorry. I'm prone to Montaigne-esque tangents.)

In other news...my goal of eliminating drama hasn't changed. And finding more people suffering emotionally only hurts me more. I know there are groups out there that work to help the suicidal and the clinically depressed--they're awesome. I wish I could do that. But why not cure the root problem--why can't there be an effort of a similar magnitude to give high school kids a proper perspective on life? Yes, life as a high school kid should be enjoyed, and you shouldn't force perspectives on yourself that aren't natural (see the previous rant!). But I hate to see people so hurt by the little things in life. I'm no psychologist, so I can't say that I'll make a living out of it. But maybe, just maybe, if I somehow get the resources to do it, I'll start that group. I'll take my efforts to save the world from teen angst to the next level...and find the people that can actually communicate my ideas without sounding like a jerk, because I get frustrated far too easily.

Last thought: the last time I looped one song on iTunes, I was writing my college application essay (which was about "Alexithymia" by Anberlin)...but I've listened to "Prayer of the Refugee" by Rise Against seven times as I wrote this post. There are four songs to which I'd give a perfect score if I was writing a review of the album (for those of you that don't know, www.epinions.com/user-beekd91 is me, and I get paid more when you read my reviews, I think...they don't say how the money works...anyway, I give each song in an album a score out of 100 at the end of each review). They are "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, "Either They Decorated for Christmas Early or They're All Dead" by He is Legend, "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay and "Solace" by Project 86 This song might be the fifth. You should go listen to it now.

(What's up with my layout? I can't see the cool gray graphic in the background...is it just me?)

----------------
Now playing: Rise Against - Prayer of the Refugee
via FoxyTunes

once again, project 86 for the win.

This is yet another reason why Project 86 is one of my favorite bands.

Project 86--"Sad Machines" (italicized lyrics are my attempts at added emphasis)

An ageless question, universal
They're asking why
Creation destined cries flood the night in pain
They say if You are real then take it away
But man will only look to You lying on his face

Now we lie awake
With shut eyes so to forever forget this

There cries, this agony, injustices, suffering
Symptoms of a larger disease
Inside of me and you and me
So try to close you eyes and make it fade away
But open and you'll see
This stain is you, this stain is me

Now so many wonder why it is
So much has gone awry in all of this
And being makes you sigh that you exist
But you can't escape this
Seemingly undeserved is your lot
But generations past and you forgot
We chose to eat our fill and fell to naught
This pain is here reminding us to turn and leave
To come back home

Pointing to show us the way

songs of the year / political musings.

(Forget what I said about pre-post disclaimers. You guys are intelligent enough to figure out what I'm talking about for yourselves.)

To continue what started in the last post:

30. “I May Be Rude, But I’m the Truth”—Cobra Starship
29. “Rust (The Short Story of Mary Agnosia)”—Anchor & Braille
28. “Piggy Bank Lies”--Emery
27. “A Stick, A Carrot and a String”--mewithoutYou
26. “The Butcher”—Project 86
25. “Unnatural Selection”--Muse
24. “Dark Angel Dragnet”—Project 86
23. “A John Hancock with the Safety Off”—Project 86
22. “The Angel of Death Came to David’s Room”--mewithoutYou
21. “Cave In”—Owl City
20. “Roswell’s Spell”--Chevelle
19. “Timothy Hay”--mewithoutYou
18. “In Shallow Seas We Sail”--Emery
17. “The Weight”--Thrice
16. “This Circus”--Chevelle
15. “The Bird and the Worm”—Owl City
14. “Allah, Allah, Allah”--mewithoutYou
13. “Forget Love, I Just Want You to Make Sense to Me Tonight”—Anchor & Braille
A brief footnote: this is also the winner for Song Title of the Year.

12. “A Sin to Hold on To”--Emery
11. “Hot Mess”—Cobra Starship
10. “If My Heart Was a House”—Owl City
9. “Shameful Metaphors”--Chevelle
8. “The Fox, the Crow and the Cookie”—mewithoutYou
Another footnote: this is also the winner for Best Video of the Year. (Watch it, it’s absolutely hilarious.)

7. “Circles”--Thrice
6. “Dear Death Part 1” and “Dear Death Part 2”—Emery
Yet another footnote: Yes, I’m listing these two separate songs as a collective. Neither can be fully appreciated without the other, and Part 2 immediately follows Part 1 on the album anyway. But when you put them together, the simple, haunting Part 1 makes the driving, energetic Part 2’s final words seem even more powerful. The end result is brilliant.

5. “Reinventing Robert Cohn”—And Then There Were None
4. “To Sand We Return”—Project 86
3. “In Exile”--Thrice
2. “Hello Seattle (Remix)”—Owl City
1. “The King Beetle on a Coconut Estate”—mewithoutYou

You know a song’s the best of the year when listening to it sends bona fide chills down your spine. Listen carefully to this song all the way through, and at 5:22 the lyrical genius and songwriting brilliance is overwhelming (especially for diehard fans who know the lyrics to “Four-Word Letter, Pt. 2” by heart). I won’t attempt to describe all that goes on in this song here. I’ll let you have the pleasure of figuring that out for yourselves.

And now for something completely different. It's been bugging me for weeks, but I've had other stuff to write since then.

So I was at my grandmother's 80th birthday party in Tavistock, this really swanky country club in New Jersey. To my immediate left is my uncle Ray. He's a great guy. He's got a good sense of humor and we can talk for a while about anything. Except, apparently politics.

My parents have known for a while that I'm not as conservative as they are. For the most part, they're fine with that. I've gotten a few jokes (especially whenever something goes wrong that could be blamed on Obama), and I've had the word 'liberal' used as an insult (which is pretty funny in retrospect), but it's all in good fun, and my parents don't think any less of me as a result. (I assume.)

But somehow my uncle and I got on the topic of politics. It was awful. My uncle is apparently even more conservative than my parents. The very notion of the government helping the poor was disgusting to him--he thinks that's the church's job. (Okay, yeah, the church should help, but that doesn't mean the government can't.) I was getting mercilessly grilled by him the whole time--and not in the way that my teachers would grill me where they're trying to show me holes in my overly idealistic logic. I honestly felt like he thought I was subhuman because I wouldn't align myself with the Republican Party.

This should never have happened.

George Washington told us never to have political parties. It took us a few months to disobey him. And now look where it's gotten us. We look down at members of opposing parties because they're members of opposing parties. Liberals think conservatives are greedy, backwards, idiotic Bible-thumping roadblocks on the way to progress (come on, who hasn't thought something like this about Bill O' Reilly?). Conservatives think liberals are godless Communists intent on destroying the moral fabric of the nation and depriving it of its work ethic.

There's a word for that kind of stereotyping: MORONIC.

This has to stop. I'm sick of the party system. It only divides. I know I'm not the only one who's been bashed for liberal views, and I know I look at many conservatives with my nose in the air. I'm just as guilty as anyone. But we have to make a commitment to end this. Your political alignment does not make you any more or less of a human being. It does not make you any greater or worse in the eyes of God. It means only you think governments should operate a certain way. So let's stop pretending that it means anything more.

The best albums of 2009.

(Music)
(This is an abbreviated version of what I plan to post on www.epinions.com under the alias beekd91. The second half, the Songs of the Year list, will be coming soon.)

Honorable Mentions (in no real order)

Muse--The Resistance
I have never been a huge Muse fan. I can enjoy songs like “Knights of Cydonia” and “Assassin” fairly easily, but for the most part I dismiss them as irritatingly pretentious; they have just enough progressive tendencies to differentiate themselves from the average Top 40 rocker, but they bog them down with simplistic lyrics and songwriting and overblown vocals. The Resistance suffers from all of this at one point or another, but somehow, it’s still enjoyable. The progressive tendencies get a little bit more face time with songs like the delightfully Queen--like “United States of Eurasia,” the French aria at the end of “I Belong to You” and the three-part epic “Exogenesis.” This album definitely needs a little bit more digestion, but right now, color me moderately impressed.

Chevelle—Sci-Fi Crimes
I’m starting to wonder how long the Loeffler brothers (minus one) can keep me interested. Nu-metal seems officially dead by this point (thank goodness), but these guys have done almost nothing but reduce the number of screams and make their lyrics weirder. That being said, Pete Loeffler has one of the best voices of in rock. He still croon delicately (“Shameful Metaphors”) and belt it like a champion (“Roswell’s Spell”) with the best, even if you have no idea what he’s singing about (you’re not alone). His bandmates can still pull together a great track or two to back him up, as well. So there’s not a lot of innovation going on here, and This Type of Thinking this is not, but it’s still a strong effort.

Cobra Starship--Hot Mess
I don’t think Gabe Saporta will ever suffer from Pete Loeffler’s nonsensicality. You know exactly what he thinks all over this album: Cobra Starship rocks, and they really want to get laid. This album is ridiculous in every way. But I’ll be darned if my toes aren’t tapping and I’m fighting back the urge to sing along with every chorus. There’s no substance to be found anywhere near this album. I don’t care—it’s just fun.

Animal Collective--Merriweather Post Pavilion
This might actually be the Album of the Year. I’m not sure. I think my head’s still reeling from the first time I heard it. This is definitely the most bizarre album I’ve ever heard, but I honestly can’t wrap my head around it just yet. I know it’s the trendy pick for album of the year…what are these trendsetters smoking, exactly?

The Top 5

5. Project 86--Picket Fence Cartel
I was absolutely ready to write off these guys after the disaster that was 2007’s Rival Factions. The masters of literate post-hardcore had suddenly gone all poppy and simplistic on me, and early inclinations seemed to reveal more of the same. Well…first impressions aren’t always right. This might just be a batch of fan service, but let’s just say Andrew Schwab and company seem to be channeling Metallica more than Nine Inch Nails. Oh, synthesizers are still quite present, and there’s still a hint of a poppy flair, but the intensity and fire that made Project 86 one of my favorite bands has returned in full. You’ll be banging your head furiously when you hear “The Butcher” or “A John Hancock with the Safety Off,” but you’ll remember the chorus when your brain recovers…just in time to have it blown away by the passionately worshipful “To Sand We Return,” one of the band’s best songs to date. Consider yourself forgiven, guys; let’s just pretend Rival Factions never happened.

4. Owl City--Ocean Eyes
Yes, after reading the other albums I’ve enjoyed this year, this might seem horribly out of place. Post-hardcore, nu-metal and…chart-topping synthpop? Yeah, I know. Believe me, this is the real deal. The lyrics may seem overbearingly cute at times, but Adam Young is surprisingly good at keeping one theme or idea running through each song. “Cave In” continually evokes images of a bike ride, “The Tip of the Iceberg” is filled with arctic imagery, and “Tidal Wave” handles depression in a way few artists of similar popularity can imitate (yet it still sounds bright and cheery!). He’s also a master of a synthesized hook and of wordplay, as “Dental Care” will show you. No 2009 album has the same combination of childish joy and musical texture. I also must exhort the prospective buyer to purchase the iTunes version of the album. The two bonus tracks, “Hello Seattle (Remix” and “If My Heart Was a House” are utterly stellar, and are a key reason as to why this album is ranked so highly.

3. Thrice--Beggars
Thrice just can’t stand being pigeonholed, it seems. They started as a hardcore punk band with The Illusion of Safety, but didn’t perfect their style until the magnificent The Artist in the Ambulance. Then they abruptly started getting progressive with Vheissu and the huge The Alchemy Index. And now…they’re starting to sound like a really angry Muse, with impassioned shouts mixing with heartfelt musings, lightning-fast drum fills with moody guitar effects. And it’s a good thing. Dustin Kensrue is still a top-flight lyricist, and his bandmates are still quite technically skilled, even if their chops are not as prominent as before. The songwriting is as fantastic as I’ve come to expect—listen to “In Exile” or “Circles” without being hit by a sense of awe. It’s quite a pity this album is only ten tracks long, but what’s there is most definitely worth your time.

2. Emery--…In Shallow Seas We Sail
If not for Project 86, this would undoubtedly be the Comeback of the Year (and only because they had fallen a bit further). Emery’s The Question was, in my opinion, the pinnacle of the post-hardcore genre (and an album to which this album must always be compared), but I’m Only a Man was a pretentious disappointment despite a few strong moments. Enter …In Shallow Seas We Sail. An extension of 2008’s While Broken Hearts Prevail…, the love of synthesizers and nonsensical “let’s try to be U2!” lyrics are totally gone, and the grade-A screamo you loved from The Question is back. Toby Morelle and Devin Shelton make for a fantastic vocal attack. The melodies soar (see “A Sin to Hold On To”) and get stuck in one’s head at the drop of a hat (see “The Smile, The Face”). The aggression is more powerful and punchy than ever (see “Butcher’s Mouth”). The two final tracks might be the most impressive though. If you didn’t like “From Crib to Coffin” (okay, who did?), rest assured, these guys have learned their lesson. Gone is the ten-minute “epic” ending with the lyrical brilliance of “There is only television.” This album wraps up with an ominous acoustic interlude and the band’s snappiest pop-punk-ish track to date, yet it remains strikingly thoughtful. The Question grew on me considerably after 2005 closed…this may yet have the same fate. But for now…

Album of the Year: mewithoutYou--It’s All Crazy! It’s All False! It’s All a Dream! It’s Alright
Oh. Wow. I’ve known that Aaron Weiss was the best lyricist alive for years now, but his bandmates hadn’t surrounded him with an equally excellent musical background until now. The slow decline in post-hardcore tendencies reaches completion here. Every one of the eleven songs here sounds nothing like every other—yet it still remains coherent. The lyrics sometimes sound like something Aesop would have written on an acid trip. Weiss’s voice is an acquired taste at best. But it’s all still mind-blowing. This album is an experience like no other. From the whimsical folksiness of “The Fox, the Crow and the Cookie,” the ominous Latin-like balladry of “The Angel of Death Came to David’s Room,” the piano rock of “Timothy Hay,” the simply epic “The King Beetle on a Coconut Estate,” the unbridled joy and passion of “Allah, Allah, Allah”…it all fits together somehow. I honestly can’t describe this with genres and metaphors. This album needs to be heard. Get used to Weiss’s unusual vocal technique, give this album the chance to be digested…and a truly incredible album awaits you.

project 86, you're awesome.

(Philosophical/Music)

This is one of the best-written lyrical descriptions of the Christian faith I know. And the song is one of the best I've heard all year.

Cowering man, a legion of no-one's call,
bet it all
Covenant kill, he points to the heavens, bare with blank stares
Beckoning search in self for his answer
Reckoning, purge, the great fall, the cancer
Settlement comes in wages now he is
Shattered, broke, and all alone

We’ve lost all our control
Our faces fall to the ground
We’re powerless to your voice
Surrender to the sound..

What’ll it take to prove our decision’s wrong, will we fall?
Alone in ourselves there nothing but chaos, fear. End it here
‘Til we concede to drink from the endless
The desert we find ourselves in is hopeless
‘Til we submit and let go the contol
We will always be alone...

We’ve lost all our control
Our faces fall to the ground
We’re powerless to your voice
And no longer seeming so, shattered, broke and all alone

Who do I belong to?
Not Earth, not world, not Evil not mortals
Not wretches not horrors
Who do I belong to?
Unchanging, unbreaking, unfailing creator, immortal, eternal

Surrender to the sound.

Project 86--"To Sand We Return"

New layout.

Thoughts?

we drive by Braille and candlelight.

(I'm going to start prefacing posts (and sections of posts) with one or more of the following descriptors.
Personal--my angsty rants, directed at events or people in my life
Philosophical--something about a bigger issue. Feedback is highly encouraged for these sorts of thoughts.)
Music--I'm telling you about an excellent band that you might not know.)

(Philosophical)

"We set sail with no fixed star in sight
We drive by Braille and candlelight

We're building towers, with no foundation.
We're stacking stone on stone,
Whatever it takes
Mix our mortar with bones.
True progress means matching the world to
The vision in our heads
We always change the vision instead."
--Thrice, "Circles" (emphasis added)

I think those lyrics could use some discussion. Thoughts?

(Philosophical/Personal)

Add this to the list of contradictions in the world.

Here's the scenario: You do not subscribe to any particular religious faith. You don't have any problems with those who do. But you want their faith to remain a 'personal' matter.

So, then, if someone's faith REQUIRES that that faith is made public, then how can you wish they would ignore you? You cannot complain--you've stated that you don't mind the individual's faith. That faith comes with certain things that one may find unpleasant. It's part of the territory.

(The second-last sentence does NOT justify any religion using its position to commit atrocities. Christians should NOT go on militant anti-gay purges or anti-Muslin Crusades, Muslims are NOT justified in piloting two planes into the Twin Towers, etc. Just pointing out the contradiction in the aforementioned scenario.)

This is a fairly common occurrence, I think. It strikes me as rather...contradictory. And far be it from me to leave a contradiction unnoticed.