this post is huge. sorry.

I'm giving up my grand dreams of only posting big epic thoughts. I'm in high school, darn it. I don't want this to turn into a petty emo-fest, but hey, I'm an adult really only because the law says so. And I think that's my problem--I've wished I was an adult for so long. I don't look back on childhood fondly. I've longed for independence and freedom and being surrounded by the 'mature.' Why? Because I hate immaturity...most of the time.

Ever since elementary school, I've hated the 'immature' kids. I thought I was so high and mighty because, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I was smarter than the vast majority of them. And then I came to Souderton and the problem only amplified itself. And then I found people that were smarter than me...and I finally started to enjoy school. But lately I've realized I've placed way too great a value on what is 'logical,' what is 'appropriate' for 'adults,' what fits the mold I've made for myself.

Dang. Why did no one stop me? I feel like I've missed out on a lot of happiness. Yes, the loudmouthed, cocky types still annoy me. But there's different sorts of immaturity, I think. Like most adjectives, there's a good and bad side to it. And being like a child has its perks, I think.

(Sorry. I'm prone to Montaigne-esque tangents.)

In other news...my goal of eliminating drama hasn't changed. And finding more people suffering emotionally only hurts me more. I know there are groups out there that work to help the suicidal and the clinically depressed--they're awesome. I wish I could do that. But why not cure the root problem--why can't there be an effort of a similar magnitude to give high school kids a proper perspective on life? Yes, life as a high school kid should be enjoyed, and you shouldn't force perspectives on yourself that aren't natural (see the previous rant!). But I hate to see people so hurt by the little things in life. I'm no psychologist, so I can't say that I'll make a living out of it. But maybe, just maybe, if I somehow get the resources to do it, I'll start that group. I'll take my efforts to save the world from teen angst to the next level...and find the people that can actually communicate my ideas without sounding like a jerk, because I get frustrated far too easily.

Last thought: the last time I looped one song on iTunes, I was writing my college application essay (which was about "Alexithymia" by Anberlin)...but I've listened to "Prayer of the Refugee" by Rise Against seven times as I wrote this post. There are four songs to which I'd give a perfect score if I was writing a review of the album (for those of you that don't know, www.epinions.com/user-beekd91 is me, and I get paid more when you read my reviews, I think...they don't say how the money works...anyway, I give each song in an album a score out of 100 at the end of each review). They are "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, "Either They Decorated for Christmas Early or They're All Dead" by He is Legend, "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay and "Solace" by Project 86 This song might be the fifth. You should go listen to it now.

(What's up with my layout? I can't see the cool gray graphic in the background...is it just me?)

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Now playing: Rise Against - Prayer of the Refugee
via FoxyTunes

once again, project 86 for the win.

This is yet another reason why Project 86 is one of my favorite bands.

Project 86--"Sad Machines" (italicized lyrics are my attempts at added emphasis)

An ageless question, universal
They're asking why
Creation destined cries flood the night in pain
They say if You are real then take it away
But man will only look to You lying on his face

Now we lie awake
With shut eyes so to forever forget this

There cries, this agony, injustices, suffering
Symptoms of a larger disease
Inside of me and you and me
So try to close you eyes and make it fade away
But open and you'll see
This stain is you, this stain is me

Now so many wonder why it is
So much has gone awry in all of this
And being makes you sigh that you exist
But you can't escape this
Seemingly undeserved is your lot
But generations past and you forgot
We chose to eat our fill and fell to naught
This pain is here reminding us to turn and leave
To come back home

Pointing to show us the way

songs of the year / political musings.

(Forget what I said about pre-post disclaimers. You guys are intelligent enough to figure out what I'm talking about for yourselves.)

To continue what started in the last post:

30. “I May Be Rude, But I’m the Truth”—Cobra Starship
29. “Rust (The Short Story of Mary Agnosia)”—Anchor & Braille
28. “Piggy Bank Lies”--Emery
27. “A Stick, A Carrot and a String”--mewithoutYou
26. “The Butcher”—Project 86
25. “Unnatural Selection”--Muse
24. “Dark Angel Dragnet”—Project 86
23. “A John Hancock with the Safety Off”—Project 86
22. “The Angel of Death Came to David’s Room”--mewithoutYou
21. “Cave In”—Owl City
20. “Roswell’s Spell”--Chevelle
19. “Timothy Hay”--mewithoutYou
18. “In Shallow Seas We Sail”--Emery
17. “The Weight”--Thrice
16. “This Circus”--Chevelle
15. “The Bird and the Worm”—Owl City
14. “Allah, Allah, Allah”--mewithoutYou
13. “Forget Love, I Just Want You to Make Sense to Me Tonight”—Anchor & Braille
A brief footnote: this is also the winner for Song Title of the Year.

12. “A Sin to Hold on To”--Emery
11. “Hot Mess”—Cobra Starship
10. “If My Heart Was a House”—Owl City
9. “Shameful Metaphors”--Chevelle
8. “The Fox, the Crow and the Cookie”—mewithoutYou
Another footnote: this is also the winner for Best Video of the Year. (Watch it, it’s absolutely hilarious.)

7. “Circles”--Thrice
6. “Dear Death Part 1” and “Dear Death Part 2”—Emery
Yet another footnote: Yes, I’m listing these two separate songs as a collective. Neither can be fully appreciated without the other, and Part 2 immediately follows Part 1 on the album anyway. But when you put them together, the simple, haunting Part 1 makes the driving, energetic Part 2’s final words seem even more powerful. The end result is brilliant.

5. “Reinventing Robert Cohn”—And Then There Were None
4. “To Sand We Return”—Project 86
3. “In Exile”--Thrice
2. “Hello Seattle (Remix)”—Owl City
1. “The King Beetle on a Coconut Estate”—mewithoutYou

You know a song’s the best of the year when listening to it sends bona fide chills down your spine. Listen carefully to this song all the way through, and at 5:22 the lyrical genius and songwriting brilliance is overwhelming (especially for diehard fans who know the lyrics to “Four-Word Letter, Pt. 2” by heart). I won’t attempt to describe all that goes on in this song here. I’ll let you have the pleasure of figuring that out for yourselves.

And now for something completely different. It's been bugging me for weeks, but I've had other stuff to write since then.

So I was at my grandmother's 80th birthday party in Tavistock, this really swanky country club in New Jersey. To my immediate left is my uncle Ray. He's a great guy. He's got a good sense of humor and we can talk for a while about anything. Except, apparently politics.

My parents have known for a while that I'm not as conservative as they are. For the most part, they're fine with that. I've gotten a few jokes (especially whenever something goes wrong that could be blamed on Obama), and I've had the word 'liberal' used as an insult (which is pretty funny in retrospect), but it's all in good fun, and my parents don't think any less of me as a result. (I assume.)

But somehow my uncle and I got on the topic of politics. It was awful. My uncle is apparently even more conservative than my parents. The very notion of the government helping the poor was disgusting to him--he thinks that's the church's job. (Okay, yeah, the church should help, but that doesn't mean the government can't.) I was getting mercilessly grilled by him the whole time--and not in the way that my teachers would grill me where they're trying to show me holes in my overly idealistic logic. I honestly felt like he thought I was subhuman because I wouldn't align myself with the Republican Party.

This should never have happened.

George Washington told us never to have political parties. It took us a few months to disobey him. And now look where it's gotten us. We look down at members of opposing parties because they're members of opposing parties. Liberals think conservatives are greedy, backwards, idiotic Bible-thumping roadblocks on the way to progress (come on, who hasn't thought something like this about Bill O' Reilly?). Conservatives think liberals are godless Communists intent on destroying the moral fabric of the nation and depriving it of its work ethic.

There's a word for that kind of stereotyping: MORONIC.

This has to stop. I'm sick of the party system. It only divides. I know I'm not the only one who's been bashed for liberal views, and I know I look at many conservatives with my nose in the air. I'm just as guilty as anyone. But we have to make a commitment to end this. Your political alignment does not make you any more or less of a human being. It does not make you any greater or worse in the eyes of God. It means only you think governments should operate a certain way. So let's stop pretending that it means anything more.