Frustrating

A lot of Facebook surveys ask me what my pet peeve is. I have several, and some that transcend pet status into...what's above a pet peeve? A superpet? A pet irritation? Whatever.

--Stupidity. This is always my answer when people ask what my pet peeve is, and it needs clarification.
1. Outright ignorance. Rarely does this tick me off, because usually it's funny.
2. Stupidity that results from laziness. This is much more common, and one of the main reasons Digital Media is not my favorite class. (One of the other main reasons is Flash.)
3. People that think their coolness is directly proportional to their bad senses of humor (SEXUAL INNUENDOS ARE NOT ALWAYS FUNNY) or their downright obnoxiousness.
4. Ignorance that leads to stereotyping. This is mostly political. No, "liberal" is not synonymous with "godless," "socialist," "baby-killing," or "pansy." (Also, "socialist" is not synonymous with "evil"). Also, "Christian" is not synonymous with "idiotic" (though Christians have given people very many reasons to believe that this is not the case).

--Segregation by intelligence. Does anyone else find it weird that people refer to groups as "smart people" and "not smart people"? I don't really think I'm more intelligent than most people, and it's not hard to make the jump from "not smart" to "smart."

--Arguments that don't rely on anything like logic. If you ever say "yeah, but socialism is evil!" to me, I believe I've won the argument.

--Bad music that gets popular. I'm looking at you, CCM and mainstream pop.

--Musical stereotyping. Before you cry "hypocrite," let me say this: not ALL mainstream pop is bad, but many artists in that genre are. People think all rap is bad...those people don't know the Flobots or Immortal Technique. People think Christian metal shouldn't exist...they don't know Living Sacrifice or Becoming the Archetype. People think secular music is pure evil...they don't know Passenger or Sonata Arctica, to name two of millions.

--Watching a situation spiral out of control, and being forced to accept that I can do nothing to intervene.

--When things make total rational sense, but something irrational makes it painful, and the rational part doesn't console me.

--My own frustration. The fact that I'm upset sometimes frustrates me as much as or more than the thing that upset me originally. This is a vicious cycle.

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Now playing: Showbread - Stabbing Art to Death

Grammar Nazis, this is for you.

I couldn't possibly come up with a blog post as good as this guy's, so, enjoy the fruits of someone else's labor.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2bXk8E/hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Hey, that quote idea was cool, so I took it.

First thought: does anyone else ever think about something stupid they said during the day and get frustrated about it? Not just stupid as in "wow, that was a really mean thing to say, I shouldn't have said it" but as in "that was just socially awkward"? Or is it just me?

Second, much longer thought: I'm going to try what Joey did and list a selection of my favorite quotes. I'll keep it to just song lyrics, because honestly I don't remember most great literary quotes, and I've got a lot of favorites.

"With downcast eyes, there's more to living than being alive"--"Alexithymia", Anberlin

I could quote almost every song this band's written. But this one is particularly notable. It's such a powerful reminder, and so true. I've looped it many times when my life has taken a turn for the worse.


"I wanna break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
For the rest of our lives
Is it over now? Hey, is it over now?
I wanna be your last, first kiss
That you'll ever have"
--"Inevitable", Anberlin

I'm still looking for that kind of romance.


"Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (repair)
You dismantle me, you dismantle me. "
--"Dismantle.Repair.", Anberlin

But usually my romantic efforts seem to end up more like this.

Tommy, you left behind
something that will mean everything right before you die.
What if you gained the whole world?
You've already lost four little souls from your life.
Widows and orphans aren't hard to find.
They're home missing daddy who's saving the world tonight.
Wish your drinking would hurry and kill you.
Sympathy's better than having to tell you the truth.

That you are the patron saint of lost causes.
All you are to them is now a lost cause.
All you are to them is now causes...

Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
--"*(Fin)", Anberlin

The first stanza, I think, is one of the most powerful, chilling and honest verses ever written. And sometimes I feel like the aforementioned saint--not because I'm any more holy than anyone (by any means!), but because I seem to care more deeply about the lost and hopeless than anyone else...until I become one of them.

There's something moving in the shadows
There is that rumor of hope
When the spirit starts roaring
For so long we have but no longer will we cope
Love is personified
I'd rather die in love than stay alive numb
I'll still call it home
I'm still longing home

Where the sun never dies
Shine away my shadow
Where it's bright when I shut my eyes
I'll drink until I'm not thirsty
The sun never dies
Shine away my shadow
It's just waiting to rise
--"Where the Sun Never Dies", blindside

I fell in love with this band just when I started getting into rock (about fourth grade, maybe?), and this song only gets better with time. And that line in bold...wow.

I was brought up through the ashes
Like a phoenix birthing wings
And I will fight for my disasters
I will take the flight of kings
And if your life is ever torched
Or if you know the pain I sing
Then will you sing with me this chorus
And we will cut through people's hearts and free them
--"Flight of Kings", The Classic Crime

One of my personal anthems, right there.

"Oh, all the memories we had
Framed in our minds like photographs
Take a second, take a second
And make this last
Here where the future meets the past
I can never fall in love again"
--"All the Memories", The Classic Crime

I long for the day when I can say this honestly.

And I will wait for you to come again.
And I can't pretent like I'm confident.
And I can't pretend like it makes much sense when it doesn't.

I have heard that winter's cold will give way to summer's warmth
Oh no! Like salt in the snow,
I'm melted and left all alone on the side of the road.
--"Salt in the Snow", The Classic Crime

As often as people tell me that God is with me in my pain (and I do believe it), sometimes life just sucks, and I have no idea what's going on.

Love is a terrible art, it’s a hook in the heart
That can drag you on broken glass
And as you protest the shards in your flesh
The hook tears out your chest until you’re just a broken mess

Love is a beautiful thing, she can make your heart sing
When you’re walking on broken glass
She will open your eyes, make your heart feel alive
Point you toward the sunrise
Help you leave all this broken mess behind

--"Broken Mess", The Classic Crime

So true.

"Go on, believe, if it turns you on.
Take what you need ‘til your body’s numb.
Prostitution is revolution.
You can hate me after you pay me.
My submission is your addiction.
So just get out while you can."
--"Prostitution is the World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am a Professional)", Cobra Starship

Oh come on. IT'S FUNNY.

In this sinless city, we wear callouses on our hands.
From empty, vain hand-shaking, we see the guilt has left again.
And all will fall, with or without our good will.
So we fool them all, who pray for those who never will.
And we both let go.

Never been much for pity. Never been much for wishing them well.
But I can’t help but sever the ties they tied so tight, so well.
And on one side they’re holding on to what we were.
And here we are, holding the hands that we severed.
And we both let go.

The fire burns like cancer. The scarring lasts forever.
We all play tricks on fools that see us as their sinless answer.
--"Sinless City", Dead Poetic

Thought-provoking, no?

http://www.lyricsmania.com/vices_lyrics_dead_poetic.html

The whole song is a lyrical masterpiece. I'm not taking the space to quote ALL of it.

Everyone's saying that they've got the answers, but hope is deceiving and spreads like a cancer.
--"Miss Behavin'", Emery

A bleak but true thought.


"Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except by a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up we shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from the loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you"
--"Stand Up", Flobots

Self-explanatory.

"Don't let apathy police the populace
We will march across
Those stereotypes that were marked for us
The answer's obvious
We switch the consonants and
Change the sword to words and lift continents"
Also self-explanatory. And awesome. And totally necessary in today's world.

Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
F*ck that, I wanna see some fists pumping
List something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
'Cause I'm sick of being treated like I had before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for
Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater to rich and abandon poor
--"Hands Held High", Linkin Park

I'm a teenager; I'm obligated by law to quote Linkin Park at least once. No, seriously. This is one of the best anti-war songs I've heard.

on a cold December, just after dusk
as the sun bids its cordial goodbyes,
we’ll be split to pieces like an apple seed husk
to reveal the tree that’s been hidden inside
which sapling called in a tattered sarong
as the seeds from the Shepherd’s Purse fell,
broke the news to Mom,
we found a better Mom we call ‘God,’
which she took quite well
singing, what a beautiful God there must be!
--"Timothy Hay", mewithoutYou

I could analyze this band's lyrics for hours. But, long story short, as far as songs that are explicitly about worshiping God go, this is brilliant.

"I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?"
--"The World at Large", Modest Mouse

Oh, Modest Mouse, why must you be so cynical? And why must I spend so much of my life agreeing with this song?

"I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what did I say?
Well you just laughed it off it was all ok

And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on any way well"
--"Float On", Modest Mouse

Is it weird that I also spend a lot of my life agreeing with this song?

"Now so many wonder why it is
So much has gone awry in all of this
And being makes you sigh that you exist
But you can't escape this
Seemingly undeserved is your lot
But generations past and you forgot
We chose to eat our fill and fell to naught
This pain is here reminding us to turn and leave
To come back home"
--"Sad Machines", Project 86

Also known as, my answer to the classic problem of pain.

"If you can amputate my heart
Then I will learn to smile and then
You can replace me with yourself
And I'll become the model citizen
And I will tell them all
That I had this breakthrough surgery
They give you a pill
They remove your heart
And replace it with a battery"
--"Soma", Project 86

Hey look, a Brave New World reference! Also, isn't that what society wants of us sometimes?


"I'm just a stranger here, despite your everything
I'm not attached to your world of disease
Like father always said, and I can only agree
Son they will hate you because they always hated me
And even though I feel alone
I know that I could never be

If it's a choice between this veil of ecstasy
And all the lonely suffering of seeing this so clearly
If I've said it once I'll say it twice I'll say it for all eternity
I'll find all the comfort that I need inside this bleeding
And even though I feel alone
You know that I could never be...

Together we are so, so ugly with rejection
But to our, our eyes we, we're the ones shimmering
I've unplugged the wires from your spine
At first you'll be afraid
But we will be so content
And we will live again."
--"Safe Haven", Project 86

Another brilliant, bold statement of faith...and that last stanza is so powerful.

"So forever now we'll find
Our peace inside this
We'll find our solace in your silence
And though I once desired your twisted sense of fame
I know, I know that in myself I'm nothing
Nothing, nothing, nothing but the words of the "meaningless"...
--"Solace", Project 86

Ever wonder where I got the name of this blog from? There you go.

"Son, I'm sorry for this world,
And all the awful things she'll do to you.
If you only knew what you'd endure before you were born,
I haven't got a single doubt,
You would have not come out,
And I would have known it was for the better.
You'll be raped of any evidence
Of ever owning any innocence.
This culture's a vulture,
And you're prime candidate for prey.
I've learned that I will lose all that I've ever loved one day,
But I never thought I'd ever have to watch it all go,
Or wish it all away.

I know you'll grow,
But I wish I knew you'd stay small if I said so.
Please just don't grow (2x)
Just stay small, stay small."
--"Stay Small", The Receiving End of Sirens

I've never understood why these lyrics resonate so powerfully with me. By the way, GO GET THIS BAND'S MUSIC. "Underrated" doesn't begin to describe it.

"I don't ask for much
Truth be told I'd settle
for a life less frightening, a life less frightening"
--"Life Less Frightening", Rise Against

I must confess I feel this way too often.

and I can't tell if you're laughing
between each smile there's a tear in your eye
there's a train leaving town in an hour
it's not waiting for you, and neither am I
--"Paper Wings", Rise Against

And this way, too.

"So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have"
--"Savior", Rise Against

Oh, I can relate.

"I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
No perfect plan unfurls
Do I trust my heart or just my mind
Why is truth so hard to find in this world
Yeah in this world

'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind

I know that there's a point I've missed
A shrine or stone I haven't kissed
A scar that never graced my wrist
A mirror that hasn't met my fist..."
--"Stare at the Sun", Thrice

Another song I'd loop on bad days.

"We set sail with no fixed star in sight
We drive by Braille and candle light

We're building towers with no foundation.
We're stacking stone on stone, whatever it takes
Mix our mortar with bones.
True progress means matching the world to
The vision in our heads
We always change the vision instead."
--"Circles", Thrice

I've quoted this before, and it's still full of deep thoughts.

And that should do it. I imagine this will get a lot of "tl;dr"'s, but hey, that's life.

Injustice

A handful of girls, none of whom I know, had to leave the Renfrew Center, a clinic for people with eating disorders, way early. Not because they needed more advanced treatment. Not because they made astounding progress. Not because of a huge family emergency.

They left because their families couldn't afford it. Why is that? Because the health insurance companies won't cover them once any progress towards physical health has been made.

Let me rephrase that in caps lock to simulate how I would say this aloud, which would ideally be shouted into a bullhorn plugged into every amp Metallica owns.

HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES WON'T HELP GIRLS WITH ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA TO GET WHAT THEY NEED TO TREAT THEIR CONDITIONS ONCE THEY'VE "MADE PROGRESS."

The sheer greed of this astounds and infuriates me. Remind me to put that in the top 5 things I need to change in this world once I take it over.

Also, more personally: I'm dealing with the burden of having two of the people I love most in the Renfrew Center. Do not EVER tell me you "need more attention," especially if you've paid basically no attention to me all my life.

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Now playing: Rise Against - Survive

Two of my lyrical musings.

Wow, I'm suddenly posting a lot.

I haven't really sat down and made what I'd consider a complete set of song lyrics. But here are some of the ideas bouncing around in my head.

(This one is probably a result of me listening to Rise Against way too much. I'm even borrowing the rhythm from their song "Entertainment.")

Send me all your sons and daughters like so many sheep to slaughter
In camouflage so you won’t see them die
Look into the depths of their eyes, and you’ll find that which once was white
Has been painted red by all my lies

I am the god of war; I soak my altar in the blood
Of soldiers blinded by my lies of love
Their comrades call them patriots; I call them bloody fools
War’s a game I play and never lose.

This is one I think I need to sit and complete...

I never would have met you if there wasn’t a reason.
But, oh, God, forgive me, for I’m guilty of treason.
Hope is a drug, and I’m hopelessly addicted.
I tried to be objective, but to my dreams I’m subjected.

I’m a delusional idealist with his head in the clouds.
I’m a hypocrite, a deaf man begging to turn off the sound.
I’m a blind man stumbling in search of a lamppost.
I tell you to look upwards, but down here’s what I love most.

A question for you all.

(Some of you will know why I'm posting this.)

Are you in favor of removing the system of class rank (and determining valedictorian and salutatorian based on GPA) from high schools? Why or why not?

Please be honest; there's a chance I might interview you about your opinions. Thanks!

And so another chapter ends.

Teenagers deserve a GOOD book.

Remember when I said I was going to write poetry? Don't count on that any time soon. I've little patience to write that sort of thing aside from the songs/poetry that I'll keep very personal for some time. So let's go on a different path.

I hate The Catcher in the Rye. It is a terribly pretentious book. I dislike the stream-of-consciousness style it uses. It revolves around a boy who finds everything around him "phony," yet its style feels forced and fake.

But I will give the late JD Salinger credit for having the literary balls to take on the tremendously complicated task of writing a book about teenage life in a way that doesn't insult the intelligence of teenagers or the reader.

Teenage life is a topic most often left to Young Adult Fiction shelves in public libraries, filled with series most often read by adolescent girls who get addicted to them for a few months and them forget them entirely (at least, that's how my sister does it). The books are cheesy, heavy-handed sermons preaching truths that have been drilled into our heads since the dawn of time, and the plots are simplistic and predictable (as Stephanie Meyers has proven, not even vampires and werewolves can keep a teenage romance from a ridiculously cliched ending).

Yet teenage life, as I can attest, is an absurdly complicated stage of life. So much hides beneath the stereotypes. Nobody falls under one label perfectly. Nobody is an archetype. We are weird, emotionally charged, complex individuals facing the greatest questions of life with are shining paragons of a hopeful future; at our worst we find all manner of ways to mutilate and destroy ourselves. We live the life of the old Romantics, only somewhat hindered by our relative youth. We're ambitious but forced to serve beneath those we find incompetent, yet, to quote an excellent song, "With answers for the world, the ambiguity shows." (100 points to whomever identifies the song.) We're scatterbrained (as that last parenthetical shows), witty, progressive, technophilic, satiric, perspicacious (this is easily my new favorite word) revolutionaries lost in a world that's as confused by us as we are confused by it.

So why the heck doesn't anyone try to write any "capital-l Literature," as Mr. McLaughlin calls it, about adolescence? I know we have our own stories of ideal teenage literature, but let's be honest--we weren't trying to write anything artistically huge. And adults really can't write about this experience after having gone through it; Salinger tried, and I think he oversimplified.

No, I think the teenage years are a topic best left to those in the middle of them. To that end, I'm very strongly considering carving time out of the summer/free time (whenever I end up getting it) to write a novel that does justice to the teenage experience. I know nothing of plot; I only know that it would have to be first-person, but from several different perspectives.

Here I pose a question to you, all three of you that read this.

If one was to write such a novel, what would have to be a part of it? What are the essential parts of teenager-dom that would NEED to be mentioned? What makes the 21st-century teenager who he/she is, as opposed to Salinger's 1950s teen?

I still hear "Mirage!" echoing through the halls.

(I must ask you not to read if you are not somehow affiliated with Mirage Indoor Drumline. It won't make sense to you anyway.)

I can say pretty safely that I don't think we saw that coming.

I'm going to be brutally honest here: hearing "In 10th place, with a score of 86.blahblah, Souderton" sucks. It just sucks. You can hear all the speeches about how you won't remember the scores and how it's all opinion and it will still suck. As I've said before, I'm a VERY competitive person. I was furious when I heard that. I wondered what could have possibly gone wrong. I was waiting for the judges to say there was a tabulator error that had shortchanged us about seven points. Obviously they didn't, but they made the equally moronic mistake of not understanding what just hit them.

I know the scores suck. I know saying 'scores don't matter' is the oldest cliche' in the book. But honestly, Mirage, we know we dominated on that floor. We know (and apparently, a whole lot of other people know) we deserved better than we got.

We had a monster of a show. That's the best show I've ever been a part of, indoor or outdoor. I lost track of all the high fives and screams once we got off the floor. We know we rocked that place. The audience knew it. Every line that saw us knew it.

The only people that didn't just happened to have green shirts and tape recorders.

My response to that?

"Dear TIA,

Suck it.

Sincerely, Mike Denison, a proud bass 5 for the Souderton Mirage Indoor Drumline, a drumline that came to Wildwood and dominated, a drumline that got a sucky score but knows it deserved better, a drumline that's pissed about it but won't forget everything else that went down this season, a drumline that will not let your inability to appreciate our domination get us down."

(I really want to send this to TIA, minus the part that reveals that I'm from Souderton, just so the rest of you don't get in trouble.)

Honestly, guys, remember that feeling when you came off the floor. Yes, it's so cliche', and yes, a higher score would have been nice.

But I am honored to call myself a member of this organization. For all my complaints, I'm proud to be your bass 5. I'll be shouting "Bell!" whenever I hear one ring four times for years to come. I'm incredibly sorry to see it all go, but I'm so excited to see what you non-seniors will throw down next year. And for my fellow seniors...good work, ladies and gentlemen.

Alyssa, Laura, Dan, Booda...I can't imagine a better line to work with and be a part of. You're all awesome.

Hats off to you, Keith and Brian, in particular, for dominating for four straight years as leaders of this great organization.

The scores will not keep us down. Don't give the judges that victory.

We did the only thing we know how to do.

We dominated.