this post is huge. sorry.

I'm giving up my grand dreams of only posting big epic thoughts. I'm in high school, darn it. I don't want this to turn into a petty emo-fest, but hey, I'm an adult really only because the law says so. And I think that's my problem--I've wished I was an adult for so long. I don't look back on childhood fondly. I've longed for independence and freedom and being surrounded by the 'mature.' Why? Because I hate immaturity...most of the time.

Ever since elementary school, I've hated the 'immature' kids. I thought I was so high and mighty because, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I was smarter than the vast majority of them. And then I came to Souderton and the problem only amplified itself. And then I found people that were smarter than me...and I finally started to enjoy school. But lately I've realized I've placed way too great a value on what is 'logical,' what is 'appropriate' for 'adults,' what fits the mold I've made for myself.

Dang. Why did no one stop me? I feel like I've missed out on a lot of happiness. Yes, the loudmouthed, cocky types still annoy me. But there's different sorts of immaturity, I think. Like most adjectives, there's a good and bad side to it. And being like a child has its perks, I think.

(Sorry. I'm prone to Montaigne-esque tangents.)

In other news...my goal of eliminating drama hasn't changed. And finding more people suffering emotionally only hurts me more. I know there are groups out there that work to help the suicidal and the clinically depressed--they're awesome. I wish I could do that. But why not cure the root problem--why can't there be an effort of a similar magnitude to give high school kids a proper perspective on life? Yes, life as a high school kid should be enjoyed, and you shouldn't force perspectives on yourself that aren't natural (see the previous rant!). But I hate to see people so hurt by the little things in life. I'm no psychologist, so I can't say that I'll make a living out of it. But maybe, just maybe, if I somehow get the resources to do it, I'll start that group. I'll take my efforts to save the world from teen angst to the next level...and find the people that can actually communicate my ideas without sounding like a jerk, because I get frustrated far too easily.

Last thought: the last time I looped one song on iTunes, I was writing my college application essay (which was about "Alexithymia" by Anberlin)...but I've listened to "Prayer of the Refugee" by Rise Against seven times as I wrote this post. There are four songs to which I'd give a perfect score if I was writing a review of the album (for those of you that don't know, www.epinions.com/user-beekd91 is me, and I get paid more when you read my reviews, I think...they don't say how the money works...anyway, I give each song in an album a score out of 100 at the end of each review). They are "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, "Either They Decorated for Christmas Early or They're All Dead" by He is Legend, "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay and "Solace" by Project 86 This song might be the fifth. You should go listen to it now.

(What's up with my layout? I can't see the cool gray graphic in the background...is it just me?)

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Now playing: Rise Against - Prayer of the Refugee
via FoxyTunes