the stereotypical graduation post

I didn't want this blog to turn into something like my old Xanga, but I think high school graduation merits some reflection.

Well, all of you that were at Souderton's graduation, I think we can all say...wow, what a trip. I'll recount my educational experience the best I can.

Elementary school: Ugh. I was loud, tactless, sheltered, brainy and arrogant. Terrible combination, which is probably why I had no friends. Let's not discuss those five years.

Middle school: Terrible. Still no friends, but now I didn't know anybody, either. By the end of seventh grade, things started to look up, and I met someone who would change my life forever.

Eighth grade: A year of great angst and great changes. I found Honors classes and finally began to accept myself for who I was, no longer deluded by dreams of being athletic (oh, that's so funny now!) I was a nerd and proud of it. I thrived under the increased challenge of my course load and loved many of the people teaching me. I started taking private lessons under Mr. Kline, who worked miracles in me as a player. However, I was ill-equipped to deal with my newfound emotional capacity. Yes, I had finally fallen head over heels for a girl, and that girl was not there for the taking, and I had no idea of what to do. So I was basically a big ol' pile of angst.

Ninth grade: Even more changes. Now it was time for marching band, where my pent-up intensity and focus were finally given an outlet, and I started to meet some of my best friends. And then in February, after a fresh batch of angst, I turned things around and began my first relationship...which was a resounding success early on.

Tenth grade: Now school gets serious. Honors Chem posed quite a challenge, but I survived and made the fateful decision of signing up for AP Chem. Cracks started appearing in the relationship, but I met another girl who would end up changing my life, though in an entirely different way. (How'd I meet her? I literally knew nobody in my lunch except Zac. I sat next to him and started talking to the girl across from me...the rest is history.) Marching band turned sour with a new director, but I found Mirage instead, and I loved it, never thinking I'd give it up. That summer, I went to Harvey Cedars and almost immediately became best friends with Carter, someone who seemed to be my slightly more energetic, more fashionable twin.

Eleventh grade: Oh boy. AP Chem started to affect every aspect of my life...how stupid is that?! The relationship briefly fell apart, and was forced back together by force of will. I spent almost all of my time at home doing Chem homework. I was forced to give up drumline just to stay sane. Jazz band did its best to substitute, but we never reached our potential. (Though it was a laugh riot all the way.) I started to deal with the incoming hugeness of college and not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. The relationship ended right after school. College visits took over my summer. One school happened to stand out...the University of Maryland. It was never topped.

Twelfth grade: Summer was...eventful. Crisis struck, and I struggled to deal with something that was way over my head. But when school started, I was...enjoying myself. I was free. I was a big bad senior. I knew the ropes. The school was new. Seniors had a whole new freshman class of underlings. I tried not to kill one of them for an entire marching band season, one that culminated with my best performance (and probably the band's) in years. I got into UM with a scholarship. I had my bits of angst, but they were minor. And by mid-February, I decided to try that relationship thing again, and for a little while, it was glorious. Everything seemed to suggest that it'd be a long, healthy, enjoyable relationship...

Then everything fell apart. Within a week, I discovered that three of the people closest to me had eating disorders--and one, as her blog will tell you, was in my family. One easily could have died, and another wasn't far behind. Two of them were put in a clinic to get over it--one for a month, one for six weeks. I was surrounded by misery, frustration and pain. I would frequently come home to see my parents talking and my mom in tears. I was utterly helpless, and I couldn't stand it.

On top of this, what should have been Mirage's best season ever ended with a baffling disappointment, relationship #2 ended (and I've been struggling with it ever since), and overall, I couldn't enjoy myself. I felt like I was throwing myself into distractions because I couldn't face reality without feeling pain. (True.) And you know what? It's still not over.

So...graduation. It's a great thing. I'm free, and I know it. I wish it wasn't tempered by all the tragedies of my senior year. But now that I've gotten the negatives out of the way, let's look at the positives.

I am so much happier with the person I've become than with the person I was. I'm starting to get a handle on things. I know myself a little bit better. I'm learning what I value and that it doesn't have to be the same as what anyone else's values (Politics.). But it can if I want to. (Religion).)

I've had some of the best teachers a guy could ask for. Spizz. Lozano. Tucker. McLaughlin. Gallagher. Ruth. Without those teachers (and more), there's no way I'd ever be where I am now.

I have some of the best friends I could ever ask for. Seriously. You put up with all my crap and still manage to make life fun for me. Wow. I can tell you guys everything, and you've helped me through this big old mess that was the last few months.

If the old proverb and Kanye are true, that that (if you're Kanye, add two more "that"s) don't kill me can only make me stronger, which means I should be a whole lot stronger when this is over.

I have so much to be thankful for, really. I shouldn't be so down all the time.

Those of you still at Souderton, learn from my mistakes. Don't let the world get you down. Persevere through the tragedy. Do what you can do to fix your problems and leave the rest up to God (or whatever deity you prefer, or whatever absence of deity you prefer). Strive for excellence--not just in academics but in life, in everything you do.

And stand for something. (If I had been valedictorian/salutatorian, I would have centered my speech on this idea. Though, as it stands, Joey's speech ruled.) Stand up. Do not be moved unless we're taking a route that we have not pursued.

And remember this, the chorus I based my entire college application essay on.

"With downcast eyes, there's more to living than being alive."

And then remember this.

"And we'll all float on okay, and we'll all float on alright."

And finally, remember this.

"Don't stop believin'."